Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Video Games

1. There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
   
   
2. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
   
   
3. If it moves, KILL IT!
   
   
4. Operating any vehicle or weapon is simple and requires no training.
   
   
5. "Bosses" always hire henchmen weaker than they are to do their dirty work.
   
   
6. If you find food lying on the ground, eat it.
   
   
7. You can smash things and get away with it. a. Smashing things doesn't hurt. b. Many nice things are hidden inside other things.
   
   
8. When someone dies, they disappear.
   
   
9. Money is frequently found lying on the streets.
   
   
10. All shopkeepers carry high-tech weaponry.
    
    
11. You never run out of bullets, only grenades.
    
    
12. Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.
    
    
13. Whenever huge evil fat men are about to die, they begin flashing red or yellow.
    
    
14. When you are born, you're invulnerable for a brief period of time.
    
    
15. Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they fly in predictable patterns which makes it easier for you to shoot them all down.
    
    
16. All women wear revealing clothing and have great bodies.
    
    
17. The enemy always leaves weapons and ammo laying around for no other reason than so their bitter enemies can pick them up and defeat them with it.
    
    
18. You sustain injury if you shoot innocents.
    
    
19. Gang members frequently all look the same, and often have the same names.
    
    
20. When driving, do not worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new one will appear in its place.
    
    
21. Anyone that can't jump over six feet high probably can't jump at all.
    
    
22. Even the lowest life forms such as worms, slugs, and slimes carry money.
    
    
23. A good way to hurt someone is to do the following: 1. Hold up your hands, 2. (optional) Stomp the ground, 3. A large object (like a rock) falls from the top of the screen, 4. Catch the large object, and 5. Throw it.